Enigmatic Commitment: (3)

Men have a win/lose philosophy in love. In this relationship, they care about women as much as themselves. When his heart is open, he feels so confident in himself that he is capable of making changes. If she gives an opportunity to prove his potential, he expresses his best self. To experience fulfilment he must begin to live his life motivated by love. If he feels that he cannot succeed then he regresses back to his old selfish ways. He wants to use his power and skills in the service of others, especially in service of the woman whom he likes. In that situation, there is beginning to develop a new philosophy, a win/win philosophy. He wants a world where everyone cared for themselves as well as for others.
Most of the men are not only hungry to give love but they are starving for it as well. When his relationship fail he finds himself depressed and stuck in alone. He stops caring and doesn’t know why he is so depressed. It is difficult to be motivated when he is not needed. To make him motivated again, he needs to appreciated, trusted and accepted. If he does not motivate then he start kill himself slowly, in other words, it is a slow death for a man. He starts drink, smoke and get involved in fight or unnecessary argument. I can remember, I was nearly to fight with one guy in Mall last week. I started smoking heavily again (I am regretting and punishing myself). Neither, I like anything nor I care anything nowadays (stopped talking with most of the friends because they may tell something which can hurt me more). Sometime I think to go far away from this city but I don’t know where I can get peace.
Generally, Men and Women have different emotional needs. Typically, Men give in relationship what he wants and Women give what she wants. Women instinctively appreciate the little things. The only exceptions are when a woman doesn’t realize a man needs to hear appreciation. When a woman feels unloved and neglected it is hard for her automatically to appreciate what a man does do for her. She feels resentful because she has given so much more than he has. This resentment blocks her ability to appreciate the little things. I can remember, when I told her I quit smoking and was excepting to hear her appreciation but she didn’t tell me except how are you feeling now? Did you find hard to quit? I was thinking she might become happy that I quit smoking because she just told me once which can make her feel that I really care a lot. Sometime, both Men and Women think they give and give but do not get back which can feel their love is unacknowledged and unappreciated. Most of the Men strive for greater and greater success because they believe it will make them worthy of love. I have noted few of the points which are taken from the book about women and men expect from each other.A men’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. He compensates for this fear by focusing on increasing his power and competence. Success, achievement and efficiency are far most in his life. A man appears most uncaring when he is afraid. Just women are afraid of receiving, man are afraid of giving. To extend himself in giving to others means to risk failure, correction, and disapproval. These consequences are most painful because deep inside his unconscious he holds an incorrect belief that he is not good enough. This belief was formed and reinforced in childhood ever time he thought he was expected to do better. When his accomplishments went unnoticed or were unappreciated, deep in his unconscious he began forming the incorrect belief that he was not good enough.
Just as women are sensitive to feeling rejected when they don’t get attention they needed, men are sensitive to feeling that they failed when a women talks about problems. This is why it is so hard for him to listen sometimes. He wants to be her hero. When she is disappointed or unhappy over anything, he feels like a failure. Her unhappiness confirms his deepest fear: he is just not good enough. Many women today don’t realize how vulnerable men are and how much they need love too. Love helps him to know that he is enough to fulfil others.
At last but not the least, my comment with her became enigmatic so I could not fathom what should I name it? Unfortunately, I am fatigued with everything and want to cry on her arm like small kid.

Enigmatic Commitment: (2)

That evening was strange, this evening is also strange;She was close to me, she is close to me today as well,On those eyes there were my thoughts, on those unspoken words there were my happiness,I used to think she is singing by using my name and introverting,I thought she is coming close to me……………….
I have taken few of the relevant quotes from the book according to my experience. I found that when women pull away then Men started get curious towards her. They (Men) started trying to get closer to her. I can remember that when I did call on her mobile. She didn’t reply at all. I left voice messages that I want to talk to her. On that period, I had really miserable time. When I felt that I am fully separated, then suddenly I felt my need for love and intimacy again. I think she might be surprised and called me after four weeks. I tried to explain my feelings to her and requested her few time to meet. She agreed to meet me but changed her plan again and at last we met on Saturday. How do I explain my feelings and happiness on those eight days? Nobody can imagine even I can’t explain in words that how much happy I was when she said she wants to meet me. I changed my daily routine even I stopped smoking because she knew that I was still smoking. I started reading and asking friends that how can I impress her. I was waiting a good moment so that I can listen her feelings and tell her about my feeling as well. It is worth to say that in Love few hours are also memorable in life. My flat mates started asking that am I really in Love? When I used to come home from work, I used to ask my flat mate Stephen to dance with me in Nepali songs. He was really surprised by seeing such a change in my behaviour.
I think Women pull away for different reasons. Sometime she does not understand Men’s feelings and afraid of being hurt again. Sometime, when Men disappointed her that makes also pulling away from Men. I can remember one incident that when we met last time on Saturday. When we went to buy suit for post – graduate ceremony at Mall on my request, one mature woman started asking me that I had day off and all those stuff. I tried to ignore her and told her that she always shows too much interest towards me but I don’t like her and there are few other girls as well whom I don’t like at all. I also told her that my family are asking me to get marry. But in my view, I was telling her indirectly that nobody can take your position. You are the only person whom I can trust and will be happy. I am pretty sure, my statement (in my innocence) hurt her but I had not any mean to hurt her. It took me far away from her and today our communication broke out. It did hurt me as well because she didn’t understand me and trust me. To know a person, it can take ages then how can she evaluate me in few words and days?
Men always pull away to fulfil his need for independence or autonomy. When we met second time at my work place and went to city centre. I had a lot of things to do. I was trying to sort all those work first then give her more time. I used to call her once in a week and then used to make myself occupied by different unsolved work. I was trying to establish myself on her level. When I felt that I finished some degree of work then I motivated to give my love and receive the love and care I need. I think it was not my fault because it is Men nature which I knew by reading this research book.
I found only one place where some of us express our feelings. I always remember one thing when we get frustration at that time we start praying God, you know why? Because we believe that God listens everything what we are saying but never reply. Perhaps, this is the way of life goes. Krishna has explained in Bhagavad-Gita when human beings allow their mind to muse on objects of sense-enjoyments, an attraction for them is created. Attraction develops into craving and from craving follow causes for anger. Anger produces delusion. Delusion confuses the memory and understanding of things; from this confusion of understanding follows the disintegration of the power of discrimination; with discrimination gone, the human perishes.The top secret of difference in coping with stress in Men and Women are: When Men become stress, they are increasingly focused and withdrawn. They feel better by solving problems. Men want to make improvements when they feel that they are being approached as a solution to problem rather than as the problem itself. But Women are increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved and they feel better by talking about problems. Continued......

Enigmatic Commitment: (1)

I often talk with my silence and see in your mind's eye: What did I get except meet love one and part again? how does somebody say he is lonely with out you? If you were with me this time, you would ask me different questions, share your feelings, and worry about me.
Few days ago, I was reading “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” and I used to take it my work place as well to read it in free time. Last Friday, one of my work colleague started giggling to me when he saw that book without taking any interest about it. I tried to convince him that it’s really conversant book in which the writer has tried to explain about the difference between Men and Women communication style, its meaning and how it can affect in relationship life. John Gray (the writer of this book) has given his own family example and how he had felt in such situation which really encouraged me to write about my feelings today. It is very much true that you can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them! I think my feeling and experience will really assist somebody, if not, then it will help me to remind in future that I had gone through it.
Everybody have different view and experience about identical obsession and the answer will be also different. To explain it, I can give very simple example, which, most of us have gone through it. Let’s imagine, two observers are observing an earth, in that situation if we ask that what they are thinking about it. I am pretty sure that there will be bit different answer because everybody explains how they have experienced, felt, sense and so on about it in different time and situation. Fritjof Capra has stressed it in terms of relative theory which has shown in drawing as below. If observer A sees the apple to his left and slightly inclined, so that the upper end is nearer to him. On the other hand, Observer B sees the apple to her right and in such a way the upper end is farther away. By extending this two dimensional example to three dimensions, it becomes clear that all spatial specifications – such as ‘left’, ‘right’, ‘up’, ‘down’, ‘oblique’, etc – depend on the position of the observer and are thus relative. The temporal order of two events was assumed to be independent of any observer. Specifications referring to time – such as ‘before’, ‘after’ or ‘simultaneous’ – were thought to have an absolute meaning independent of any coordinate system.

To be honest, when I left Nepal since then I started living alone. This loneliness took me far from everybody and today far from you. I never gave few minutes to think in those six years about the love and caring which you gave me in few days. I instinctively felt a need to talk about my feelings with you. I was not immediately concerned with finding solutions to my problems but rather tried to find relief by expressing myself and being understood. Alas you broke our communication and I came back my lonely world again. I tried to explain you but you didn’t give me any chance.
When I had not met you, I was lonely but I was not that much piteous how much I am today but I learned so many things. Today, I am going through few of them to analyse which I can remember. In this process, I may be right or wrong because it is just one sided because I don’t know her affection towards me. I might be wrong person or not her type of person.
Why did you thieve my heart if you had to break it?Why did you become my sweetheart if you had to make me alone?Why did you break my heart, why did you fall in love, why did you go away, away, away and far away? Continued...

The state we are in:

Knowledge economy discourse is being used in countries like China and India to make a case for permitting multinational companies however Nepalese are losing allure with Nepal’s development:
The media have been all agog over the rise of crises in Nepal. Women, children and other non-combatants are being primary victims. The key characteristics of the war in Nepal at high risk of internal fighting are neither political nor social, but mere economic. Maoist rebel leaders form themselves as heroically fighting to guide in an era of liberty and prosperity. However it seldom works this way. Civil war typically leaves a legacy of economic, social and political ruin. But the damage extends to neighbour countries because drugs and terrorism flourish and spread from regions of disorder, even they appear to be isolated from their country which is happening in India now. Another common consequence of rebellion and disorder is rape, strike and fight.
According to World Bank calculations, the total of 2.3 billion people in China and India, nearly 1.5 billion earn less than $2 a day. Both are poor, largely agricultural countries. Nepal is also poor where around sixty percent people depend in agriculture. China, India and Nepal are sailing in same boat however Nepal didn’t choose its main priorities as unemployment and a spirit of nation’s atma vishwas (self confidence); we can take several such examples a kind of substantial growth seen in Japan in the 1950s and 1960s, South Korea in the 1970, China and India today.
Nepal's foreign policy is also good between China and India. There are more influence of India than China because of open border, culture, and climate. Today, India high-tech is not the sole preserve of the rich. Auto rickshaw drivers began using mobile phone so that customers can call for a ride. Technology companies are extending internet connections to the remote locations. Small, renewable electricity generators are appearing in villages, and the government is using home- grown space technology to improve literacy skills and education in far flung areas. This knowledge revolution has begun in our neighbour countries. Conventional wisdom now suggests that globalisation is responsible for this feat. But does Nepal have it as a nation and, if not, what must Nepal do to get it?
Nepal’s illiteracy is reducing only at the rate of 1.3 percent per annum. At this rate, Nepal will need another more or less 50 years to attain a literacy rate of 95 percent. We cannot be industrially and economically advanced and we cannot be technologically advanced unless we are scientifically advanced. One of the critical issues facing Nepal is the gulf between the academic world and industry. Science too has its role to play. The notion that scientific ideas lead to technology and from there to wealth is not widespread. Nepal needs economic liberalisation and competition between Nepali companies which is being tamed, so they are under no pressure to come up with new ideas, nor did academics promote their ideas to industry.
Of course, people are going India, Arab and Developed Countries for employment because of political instability and lack of opportunity for employment and government’s future policy. Some of them are attempting to gain illegal passage to developed countries by holding false passport and documents. Despite the perception that Nepalese immigrants tend to be deprived illiterate prone to crime, Nepalese who emigrates is not that country's most destitute citizens. They tend to come from the mid-skilled classes, not from the poorest. More than anything else, it is a perceived lack of opportunity that encourages citizens to leave country. Government is also encouraging those who are going aboard to train different skills so that their income will increase by many folds, and has already made the first move a program to provide loan through banks to those who cannot afford money to go abroad.
Most of the people in Nepal dream of being overseas so that they are watching foreign channel rather Nepal TV, are also the main source of aspiring to be somewhere else for better future and employment. So many Nepalese dream of leaving significantly threatens Nepal's economic development, social well-being, and political stability. Every year Nepal loses two to three percent of its GNP to brain drain. Nepal loses between 1,000 and 2,000 professors, doctors, and engineers and high skilled professionals annually. This loss means fewer well-educated, ambitious citizens who could help lead our country. However there is an irony here, for if through immigration Nepal loses capital in some forms; gains it through the money its immigrants send back to their families. If we look at the number of households receiving the remittance in Nepal, it increased from 23 percent in 1995/96 to 52 percent in 2003/04, contributed close to about 12 percent to the Nepal’s GDP.
Rich countries like Arab and other Developed countries want migrants' labour, but do not want to look after these newcomers when they grow old. Ideally, rich countries would like a constant rotation of workers, arriving while they are young and active, leaving before they grow old and dependent. For its part, temporary and circular migration is also better for poor country like Nepal. One reason is remittances: the longer an immigrant stays away from home, the smaller the share of his/her wages he/she sends back. In Germany, the same phenomenon happened in reverse. The availability of cheap guest-workers in German factories slowed the adoption of new labour-saving technology. As the saying went at the time: Japan is getting robots while Germany gets Turks.
Nepalese households invest more than half of their savings in physical ones such as land, houses, cattle, and gold instead of putting money into financial assets. In rural areas, the proportion is even higher. This fact shows that Nepalese people mistrust of banks and are the largest consumers of gold. Let us take an example in Pokhara, there have been invested to build houses but they are all empty. Households could earn higher returns by investing in financial assets, and the country would be better off if savings were pooled to finance more productive investments.
This dilemma may help explain why the Nepalese government can seem unsure about security, unemployment, and social stability. There is confrontation between three parties: government, political parties and Communist follower “Maoist”. If we ask about the current situation to them, they give a very simple answer without taking any responsibility that we don’t have a lot of resources like India and China. Now, our greatest resource and valuable export is our human potential. That's a powerful incentive, even if it does spank of actively encouraging a brain drain from developing countries like Nepal. But then, India’s Late Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi's well-known prescription still holds: "Better brain drain than brain in the drain". Competition for brains and ideas is where the battle for global influence should be waged.
Above all, Nepal should learn from the experience of other countries to avoid killing incentives for work rather than encouraging people to go abroad, and should make it easier for workers to learn new skills, so it is all the more important to invest in education. All that is needed is a more welcoming environment for foreign educational institutions, investor and students, as well as a greater tolerance for market in tourism. Nepal needs to revitalise its economy, modernise its institutions, rewrite the contract between the members of society and recover its self esteem. I could go on and on, but the point should be clear that Nepal's future is in Nepalese hands and will be what Nepalese make of it.