Social development:

Human attachments and their loss or disruption represents and important way of trying to understand how early experience can affect later development. Sociability refers to one of three dimensions of temperament (the others being emotionality and activity), which are to be present at birth and inherited (Buss & Plomin, 1984). Specifically, Sociability is:
* Seeking and being especially satisfied by rewards from social interaction.
* Preferring to be with others
* Sharing activities with others
* Being responsive to and seeking responsiveness from others.
According to Kagan et al. (1978), an attachment is: ……an intense emotional relationship that is specific to two people, that endures over time and in which prolonged separation from the partner is accompanied by stress and sorrow.
This definition applies to attachment formation at any point in the life cycle, our first attachment acts as a prototype (or model) for all later relationships. According to Hazan & Shaver (1987), attachment theory, as developed by Bowlby and Ainsworth in particular, offers a valuable perspective on adult romantic love, helping to explain both positive emotions (caring, intimacy, and trust) and negative emotions (fear of intimacy, jealousy, and emotional ‘ups and downs’).
Hazan and Shaver were the first to apply Ainsworth et al.’s three basic attachment styles to adult – adult sexual/romantic relationships. Their study tried to answer the question: how are adults’ attachment patterns (in their adult relationships) related to their childhood attachments to their parents.
These results provided encouraging support for an attachment perspective on romantic love. Hazan & Shaver warned against drawing any firm conclusions about continuity between early childhood and adult experience. It would be excessively pessimistic, at least from point of view of the insecurely attached person, if continuity were rule, rather than the exception. The correlations suggest that as we go further into adulthood, continuity with our childhood experiences decreases. The average person participates in several important friendships and love relationships, which provide opportunities for our mental models (Bowlby, 1973, internal working model) of self and others.
According to Bowbly (1973), expectations about the availability and responsiveness of attachment figure are built in to our inner working models of attachment. These reflect memories and beliefs stemming from our early experiences of care–giving, which carried forward into new relationships, both during childhood and beyond. They plan an active role in guiding perceptions and behaviour.
According to Waldrop & Halverson (1975), boys’ relationships are extensive, while girls’ are intensive. Boys’ friendship groups are larger and more accepting of newcomers than girls’. The level of competition between pairs of male friends is higher than it is between strangers – the opposite of girls. Despite some important gender differences in friendship quality, collaboration and cooperation are most common forms of communication in both boys’ and girls’ friendships.
The evaluation of Erickson’s theory defines as follows:
The sequence from identity to intimacy may not accurately reflect present-day realities. In recent years, the trend has been for adults to live together before marrying, so they tend to marry later life than people did in past. Many people struggle with identity issues at the same time as dealing with intimacy issues.
Additionally, some evidence suggests that females achieve intimacy before ‘occupational identity’. The typical life course of women involves passing directly into a stage of intimacy without having achieved personal identity. Sangiuliano (1978) argues that most women submerge their identities into those of their partners, and only mid-life do they emerge from this and search for separate identities and full independence. There’s also a possible interaction between gender and social class. Or example, working-class men see early marriage as a ‘good’ life pattern: early adulthood is a time for ‘settling down’, having family and maintaining a steady job. By contrast, middle-class men and women see early adulthood as a time for exploration, in which different occupations are tried. Marriage tends to occur after this, and ‘setting down’ doesn’t usually take place before 30 (Neugarten, 1975). There’s also evidence of an interaction between gender, race and culture. As Gilligan (1982) has observed: the female comes to know herself as she is known, through relationships with others.
Marriage is an important transition for young adults, because it involves a lasting personal commitment to another person, financial responsibilities and, perhaps, family responsibilities. Marriage and preparation for marriage can be very stressful. Davis (1956) identified mental disorders occurring for the first time in those who engaged to be married. Typically, these were anxiety and depression which began in connection with an event that hinged on wedding date. Since the disorders improved when the engagement was broken off or wedding took place, Davies concluded that it was the decision to make the commitment that was important, rather than the act of getting married itself.
Couples who live together (or cohabit) before marriage are more likely to divorce later, and be less satisfied with their marriages, than those who marry without having cohabited. Also, about 40 percent of couples who cohabit don’t marry. While this suggests that cohabitation may prevent some divorces, cohabits who marry are more likely to divorce.
It’s long been recognised that mortality is affected by marital status. Married people tend to live longer than unmarried people, are happier, healthier and have lower rates of various metal disorders than single, widowed or divorced.

Gross R. (2005), "Psychology The science of mind and behaviour" 5th edition, Hodder Arnold, London NW1 3BH

Why children abscond from home?

Today, when I was reading The Sun newspaper, I found a report about the children who run away from their home in teen age. This report brought my memory back when one of my family’s member ran away from family to do something on his own and get more freedom.
When children at development age (6 months–21 ages), he will start to discover his body and naturally want to explore his anatomy. Some children realise that he has got dangly bits down there and will want to be aware of what he can and can’t do in terms of what hurts and what doesn’t – it is completely innocent.
Sometime it might feel embarrassed when he does some mistake while out in public. But some people will laugh it off and will understand that it is just one of those things children do.
It is OK to discourage the children from his bad habit as long as you keep things low key. We shouldn’t scold him from doing this – or it could lead to bigger issues later in his life. If parents shout at him doing this, then he will feel embarrassed about his natural urge and ashamed of him. He could then grow up with complex.
Gentle reminders or convinces are a good way of just alerting him to the fact what he is doing and that should be enough for him to stop and realise that there is a time and place to discover his anatomy.
The only way parents will over – react is if they are constantly telling him not to do it. It is best to turn a blind eye now and again, or he could start to use his behaviour as a tool to get their attention.
It is the same with children who pick their noses. The habit starts off innocently when they need to clear their nose but don’t have a tissue paper.
The automatic reaction is to use finger but they are reprimanded and told this is a dirty habit – so they end up doing it when they think no one’s looking or deliberately in order to get their parents or other attention.
Equally if parents laugh – even out of embarrassment when they repeat it for a reaction, whether it is good or bad. It is all about good manners. Parents have to discourage children’s unsavoury habits but without shaming them into submission.
Let’s move topic on the pragmatism of children who run away from home. There are so many reasons behind it: want more freedom than their parents would give them, poverty, domestic violence, appraise like others to get experience and so on. Once they run away from home, they start begging for food or do different stuff of job for food, and started sleeping in the streets, under bridges, in ditches or camped in a tent with friends. For while vulnerable youngsters will still flee home to escape abuse, neglect or family conflict, there will be fewer places to keep them safe. The problem is immense. Because most of runaways start to seek help from other adults who may harm, exploit or hurt them. Heartbreakingly, these under – 16s fall victim to pimps, paedophiles, drug dealer and some of them can’t cope and will come back to home. At last but not least, it is really dangerous life they live on the streets. Some of them are lucky who will be offered them by good people to help them for their good life.

How can we be better off?

Most of our Nepalese people come from humble origins – medium and low class family. Most of us work very hard which is mainly some of them about thier meals, getting enough to eat. But few of the rich generation has all the things we need - food, a flat and some everyday living stuff, like a TV set and air conditioning.
How ever, developed countries people benefit even further because of the development. For them, it will be about how to enjoy a better life and like having holidays, travelling around. How can we be better off? It is a good question, isn't it?

Brunel 200

I have uploaded few of the photoes which I have taken on 8th of April 2006. To get more information about Brunel please, click here. Thank you,

Politicians and Journalists:

In a democracy, Politicians hold major role in country because we elect them to make our laws: they give legitimacy to our system above all others. Every democratic nation’s politicians are greater because they are elected, they make laws and some of them serve in government. Their functions as representatives legislators and executives give them a status within national life which is uniquely important: that of being the supreme expression of the democratic country.
I think politicians derive their authority from people sometime and in that case the media and journalist must strive to represent the interests of the people. Journalists do that partly by asking the questions witch people want answered however uncomfortable that that may be for politician. I think we cannot nourish democracy by “protecting” politicians if anything, we weaken it. And there is one more question arises, can media claim as opposition of politicians in that case? Of course not because it would be an abuse of their power (lets use the word “influence” to power) if they claimed to be real opposition to the government or related bodies.
Journalists and media play necessary democratic function (as against commercial function) is to provide information as fully and fairly as possible, which will allow those to make informed judgements-including about those they choose to govern them; and to act as media for diverse opinions.

Does love mean never having to feel sorry?

Does love mean never having to feel sorry? This question strikes most of the time in my mind when one of my mate asked me to apologise to her. I cannot understand why should I apologise to her and apologise for what and how do I say?
I know nobody is ideal in everything. We go university and do different research however it doesn’t mean he/she is ideal in that particular thing. There are so many things we learn everyday by interacting and talking each other.
Nobody is ideal in Love so that we should feel sorry if we were wrong on something which hurt him/her. Such kind of feeling erase misconception between each other and we can understand each other in future. Especially in love, it needs nurturing, friendship, understanding, patience, caring, maturity, practicality, forethought, hindsight so on between each other. We are human beings so that sometime we apologise and feel sorry at times. It is a mutual understanding. It should not come in terms of ego and superiority.
I think ‘feeling sorry or apologise’ is an action of psychological feature that is outside of our area of influence. I mean, we do something or say something which is entirely usual for us but other person (boyfriend/girlfriend) takes it in a totally different way. Then, it is naturally we feel sorry for it. Now, there is one question arise whether we have to explicitly ask sorry depends on person’s (boyfriend/girlfriend) understanding. Can we stop our self from feeling sorry for something we have done to our loved one?
‘Feeling sorry or apologise’ is a function of comfort level where he/she knows that we would not have deliberately set out to hurt, harm, anger, bewilder or confuse that said to him/her. Hence, we don’t need to have to convince him/her of our feeling of sadness or guilty sometime. Confucius says in this term, we don’t have to say sorry, even if you feel sorry because what we feel, it will be felt by the other person as well.
We know that we don’t intend to hurt anybody however he/she feel bad that we hurt him/her, which it shows in their actions, in their voice, in their words and behaviour. The actual word ’sorry’ and ‘apologise’ don’t have to enter the conversation at all. Let’s make a small interesting scenario:
X and Y fight. They both make mistakes.
X says sorry to Y. Y says nothing.
Y tells X that he/she is hurt.
X says sorry to Y again. Also tells Y that he/she is hurt as well.
Y still doesn’t apologise.
X feels cheated that both people made mistakes but Y never cared to apologise.
Next time a fight happens, X feels sorry, but keeps that thought to him/herself.
It starts a downward spiral of gargantuan proportions. A situation that could have been solved by the saying of the sorry, rather than taking it differently or easily. I think, never saying sorry in love is a tad bit extreme. We are likely to make mistakes and hurt the other person, and not to apologise for it which can be disastrous depending on how immense the hurt.
Sometime we ask sorry just to make somebody superior which shows admitting to a lack of confidence (emotion & personality) and that change his/her opinion towards us. I think the value of a sorry is reduced when we have to ask for it. Even if the sorry is genuine, one cannot help wonder if the other person is saying it with sincerity or simply paying lip service, and that doubt can cause more problems.