Does love mean never having to feel sorry? This question strikes most of the time in my mind when one of my mate asked me to apologise to her. I cannot understand why should I apologise to her and apologise for what and how do I say?
I know nobody is ideal in everything. We go university and do different research however it doesn’t mean he/she is ideal in that particular thing. There are so many things we learn everyday by interacting and talking each other.
Nobody is ideal in Love so that we should feel sorry if we were wrong on something which hurt him/her. Such kind of feeling erase misconception between each other and we can understand each other in future. Especially in love, it needs nurturing, friendship, understanding, patience, caring, maturity, practicality, forethought, hindsight so on between each other. We are human beings so that sometime we apologise and feel sorry at times. It is a mutual understanding. It should not come in terms of ego and superiority.
I think ‘feeling sorry or apologise’ is an action of psychological feature that is outside of our area of influence. I mean, we do something or say something which is entirely usual for us but other person (boyfriend/girlfriend) takes it in a totally different way. Then, it is naturally we feel sorry for it. Now, there is one question arise whether we have to explicitly ask sorry depends on person’s (boyfriend/girlfriend) understanding. Can we stop our self from feeling sorry for something we have done to our loved one?
‘Feeling sorry or apologise’ is a function of comfort level where he/she knows that we would not have deliberately set out to hurt, harm, anger, bewilder or confuse that said to him/her. Hence, we don’t need to have to convince him/her of our feeling of sadness or guilty sometime. Confucius says in this term, we don’t have to say sorry, even if you feel sorry because what we feel, it will be felt by the other person as well.
We know that we don’t intend to hurt anybody however he/she feel bad that we hurt him/her, which it shows in their actions, in their voice, in their words and behaviour. The actual word ’sorry’ and ‘apologise’ don’t have to enter the conversation at all. Let’s make a small interesting scenario:
X and Y fight. They both make mistakes.
X says sorry to Y. Y says nothing.
Y tells X that he/she is hurt.
X says sorry to Y again. Also tells Y that he/she is hurt as well.
Y still doesn’t apologise.
X feels cheated that both people made mistakes but Y never cared to apologise.
Next time a fight happens, X feels sorry, but keeps that thought to him/herself.
It starts a downward spiral of gargantuan proportions. A situation that could have been solved by the saying of the sorry, rather than taking it differently or easily. I think, never saying sorry in love is a tad bit extreme. We are likely to make mistakes and hurt the other person, and not to apologise for it which can be disastrous depending on how immense the hurt.
Sometime we ask sorry just to make somebody superior which shows admitting to a lack of confidence (emotion & personality) and that change his/her opinion towards us. I think the value of a sorry is reduced when we have to ask for it. Even if the sorry is genuine, one cannot help wonder if the other person is saying it with sincerity or simply paying lip service, and that doubt can cause more problems.
I know nobody is ideal in everything. We go university and do different research however it doesn’t mean he/she is ideal in that particular thing. There are so many things we learn everyday by interacting and talking each other.
Nobody is ideal in Love so that we should feel sorry if we were wrong on something which hurt him/her. Such kind of feeling erase misconception between each other and we can understand each other in future. Especially in love, it needs nurturing, friendship, understanding, patience, caring, maturity, practicality, forethought, hindsight so on between each other. We are human beings so that sometime we apologise and feel sorry at times. It is a mutual understanding. It should not come in terms of ego and superiority.
I think ‘feeling sorry or apologise’ is an action of psychological feature that is outside of our area of influence. I mean, we do something or say something which is entirely usual for us but other person (boyfriend/girlfriend) takes it in a totally different way. Then, it is naturally we feel sorry for it. Now, there is one question arise whether we have to explicitly ask sorry depends on person’s (boyfriend/girlfriend) understanding. Can we stop our self from feeling sorry for something we have done to our loved one?
‘Feeling sorry or apologise’ is a function of comfort level where he/she knows that we would not have deliberately set out to hurt, harm, anger, bewilder or confuse that said to him/her. Hence, we don’t need to have to convince him/her of our feeling of sadness or guilty sometime. Confucius says in this term, we don’t have to say sorry, even if you feel sorry because what we feel, it will be felt by the other person as well.
We know that we don’t intend to hurt anybody however he/she feel bad that we hurt him/her, which it shows in their actions, in their voice, in their words and behaviour. The actual word ’sorry’ and ‘apologise’ don’t have to enter the conversation at all. Let’s make a small interesting scenario:
X and Y fight. They both make mistakes.
X says sorry to Y. Y says nothing.
Y tells X that he/she is hurt.
X says sorry to Y again. Also tells Y that he/she is hurt as well.
Y still doesn’t apologise.
X feels cheated that both people made mistakes but Y never cared to apologise.
Next time a fight happens, X feels sorry, but keeps that thought to him/herself.
It starts a downward spiral of gargantuan proportions. A situation that could have been solved by the saying of the sorry, rather than taking it differently or easily. I think, never saying sorry in love is a tad bit extreme. We are likely to make mistakes and hurt the other person, and not to apologise for it which can be disastrous depending on how immense the hurt.
Sometime we ask sorry just to make somebody superior which shows admitting to a lack of confidence (emotion & personality) and that change his/her opinion towards us. I think the value of a sorry is reduced when we have to ask for it. Even if the sorry is genuine, one cannot help wonder if the other person is saying it with sincerity or simply paying lip service, and that doubt can cause more problems.
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